I so hate short summer nights. I like to savour my meals, after mercilessly taunting them for hours.
10.7.2023 21:55I so hate short summer nights. I like to savour my meals, after mercilessly taunting them for hours. #undeadAndLovingItSaw a sign last night that had me worried: “Tractors Turning”. It’s going to be a full moon soon.
2.4.2023 12:31Saw a sign last night that had me worried: “Tractors Turning”. It’s going to be a full moon soon. #vampire #undeadAndLovingItSo, last night, I spot this huge party at this big old house. I thought, lots of people, plenty of rooms, flowing drink, I’ll get invited in and no-one will notice if a guest (or two) goes missing. Maybe steal some cigarettes and some nice new shoes.
3/3
22.3.2023 18:43So, last night, I spot this huge party at this big old house. I thought, lots of people, plenty of rooms, flowing drink, I’ll get invited...So my current predicament: I’m in the cellar of a big country house, listening to the police discussing the horrific, frenzied and maniacal murder of a member of the household during last nights party. I hate it when they discuss my dinner like that.
2/3
22.3.2023 18:35So my current predicament: I’m in the cellar of a big country house, listening to the police discussing the horrific, frenzied and...I’m hanging upside down in the cellar of a large, old country house not far from my favorite crypt. My bat ears are twitching, trying to capture the conversation. It seems that the police have been called, and I suspect that someone has been very naughty.
1/3
22.3.2023 08:28I’m hanging upside down in the cellar of a large, old country house not far from my favorite crypt. My bat ears are twitching, trying to...Have a great #StPatricksDay. Drink, laugh and enjoy the day like it was your last.
In other news, I’ll be awake for a snack after dark…
17.3.2023 07:37Have a great #StPatricksDay. Drink, laugh and enjoy the day like it was your last. In other news, I’ll be awake for a snack after...In the war between the #vampires and the Lycan parasites, I've always found flea collars give the best results.
15.3.2023 14:48In the war between the #vampires and the Lycan parasites, I've always found flea collars give the best results.#undeadAndLovingItI’ve been driving boy bats wild for years with my aloof and unobtainable looks and little furry body.
#vampire #vampireBats #undeadAndLovingIt
13.3.2023 21:01I’ve been driving boy bats wild for years with my aloof and unobtainable looks and little furry body.#vampire #vampireBats...Laying here, getting quite nostalgic about the old days. It’s been years since I’ve been chased by a bunch of villagers with burning pitchforks.
10.3.2023 09:04Laying here, getting quite nostalgic about the old days. It’s been years since I’ve been chased by a bunch of villagers with burning...How to be a #vampire 101:
Things not to say if caught by a policeman in mid bite: “Officer I was just standing here and he staggered out of the pub and fell neck first onto my fangs”
Or “He’s not well, I was going to start mouth-to-mouth but his breath stinks, so I bit his neck instead”
9.3.2023 08:49How to be a #vampire 101:Things not to say if caught by a policeman in mid bite: “Officer I was just standing here and he staggered out of...We #vampires have a kind of sixth sense about humans. We can tell a lot from just watching for subtle clues; it's a supernatural hunting skill.
For example, if a human runs away, waves their arms, and screams, then it's definitely worth a bite. On the other hand, if the human is floppy, limp, and lying on the ground with open, staring eyes, then they're probably already empty, so don't bite.
8.3.2023 23:29We #vampires have a kind of sixth sense about humans. We can tell a lot from just watching for subtle clues; it's a supernatural hunting...So annoyed not to get a telegram from Queen Victoria when I turned 100.
8.3.2023 08:47So annoyed not to get a telegram from Queen Victoria when I turned 100. #vampire #undeadAndLovingIt#vampires see everything so sharp and bright and richly coloured, especially blood. It’s such a contrast to my youth. I came from a part of Ireland where damp was a colour.
7.3.2023 09:21#vampires see everything so sharp and bright and richly coloured, especially blood. It’s such a contrast to my youth. I came from a part...I’m told I have a beautiful soul. I’ve no idea where it is.
5.3.2023 08:37I’m told I have a beautiful soul. I’ve no idea where it is. #vampire #undeadAndLovingItNeed to find a new nightclub. Last week’s venue had UV lights. It’s so hard to look alluring and mysterious if you are gently smoking all over.
#vampire #undeadAndLovingIt (mostly)
4.3.2023 17:02Need to find a new nightclub. Last week’s venue had UV lights. It’s so hard to look alluring and mysterious if you are gently smoking...I love cars. They’re like a snack box for #vampires
3.3.2023 00:05I love cars. They’re like a snack box for #vampires#undeadAndLovingItThank goodness it’s stopped raining. No one wants to be bitten by a soggy #vampire.
1.3.2023 19:36Thank goodness it’s stopped raining. No one wants to be bitten by a soggy #vampire.I’m thinking of getting a Ring Video doorbell for my crypt. If it rings and no one’s there, it’s one of my friends.
27.2.2023 22:54I’m thinking of getting a Ring Video doorbell for my crypt. If it rings and no one’s there, it’s one of my friends. #vampire...I guess FaceID wasn’t designed with #vampires in mind.
27.2.2023 09:03I guess FaceID wasn’t designed with #vampires in mind.I was with this until the last bit about not having to hide bodies. Does anyone know how to make exsanguinated corpses stackable?
25.2.2023 15:28I was with this until the last bit about not having to hide bodies. Does anyone know how to make exsanguinated corpses stackable?#vampire...