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To: hr@opm.govFrom: Rick Astley RE: What I won't do this week1.

To: hr@opm.gov
From: Rick Astley

RE: What I won't do this week

1.

Auto correct changed my chicken pot pie into a chicken pot Poe and now I must tear up the crust! — here, here! — it is the beating of...

Auto correct changed my chicken pot pie into a chicken pot Poe and now I must tear up the crust! — here, here! — it is the beating of the chicken's hideous heart!

Fupaux: When you buy pants that are too small and can't get the zipper to close.

Fupaux: When you buy pants that are too small and can't get the zipper to close.

That's it! I'm running away to play keytar in an 80s cover band playing on one of those four year round the world cruises.

That's it! I'm running away to play keytar in an 80s cover band playing on one of those four year round the world cruises.

Me: *watching the driver of the hearse in front of us jump out, race to the back, open the door, peek in, and slam it shut* Well that's...

Me: *watching the driver of the hearse in front of us jump out, race to the back, open the door, peek in, and slam it shut* Well that's disconcerting.

Son: Nah, it would be disconcerting if he ran away.

My imaginary friend tells others I'm their imaginary friend.

My imaginary friend tells others I'm their imaginary friend.

Autocorrect changed distraction to destruction and now I've transformed from a mere human with ADHD to Godzilla with ADHD. I may or may...

Autocorrect changed distraction to destruction and now I've transformed from a mere human with ADHD to Godzilla with ADHD. I may or may not finish destroying the city.

Doctor: You need a sleep routine. Me: I told you I have one. Doctor: Doomscrolling and posting til 4am is not a routine. Me: It is if you do...

Doctor: You need a sleep routine.

Me: I told you I have one.

Doctor: Doomscrolling and posting til 4am is not a routine.

Me: It is if you do it every night.

Group therapist: Please share.The Void: All day long people scream into me but if I scream back it's all "Oh my God! It's the...

Group therapist: Please share.

The Void: All day long people scream into me but if I scream back it's all "Oh my God! It's the apocalypse! Make it stop!"

Group: We never considered your feelings.

The Void: Appreciate the validation.

Group: You know we're still going to scream into you though.

New Architects dropped! Architects: "Blackhole"https://youtu.be/8SoLPeFquLM?si=eyWDBTyBSqWTFaRV

New Architects dropped!

Architects: "Blackhole"

https://youtu.be/8SoLPeFquLM?si=eyWDBTyBSqWTFaRV

Family begging me not to go into the light but it's the refrigerator light and I'm going to get that last piece of cheesecake.

Family begging me not to go into the light but it's the refrigerator light and I'm going to get that last piece of cheesecake.

It's 2025 and I've finally decided to become the nameless horror that haunts the forest I was meant to be! I've already begun to...

It's 2025 and I've finally decided to become the nameless horror that haunts the forest I was meant to be! I've already begun to shed my human form! Who's in?

Show us the last four albums you listened to. Imminence: "The BlackHealth: "Rat Wars"Mirar: "Ascension"Electric...

Show us the last four albums you listened to.
Imminence: "The Black
Health: "Rat Wars"
Mirar: "Ascension"
Electric Callboy: "Tekkno"

#last4albums

My hobbies include rock and fossil collecting, ruminating on dumb things I've said, and picking up useless facts like a katamari ball....

My hobbies include rock and fossil collecting, ruminating on dumb things I've said, and picking up useless facts like a katamari ball. Where are you going?!

ASCII of a cat gesturing as though it knocked something over. Stars and 2 people are tumbling down as though they were spilled.

ASCII of a cat gesturing as though it knocked something over. Stars and 2 people are tumbling down as though they were spilled.

God: Cat no! Not them!_/\____/\ (= ͡ ° ᆺ ͡° )= \╭☞ ･ﾟ*｡★･ ﾟ *･...

God: Cat no! Not them!

_/\____/\
(= ͡ ° ᆺ ͡° )=
\╭☞ ･ﾟ*｡★･ ﾟ
*･ ﾟ🤸‍♂️* *
★･ ﾟ* *.
･ﾟ*｡🤸‍♀️･
★

Me, lying awake at 3am but this time I'm thinking about how I nailed it when I replied "Thank you" when the gate attendant...

Me, lying awake at 3am but this time I'm thinking about how I nailed it when I replied "Thank you" when the gate attendant wished me a good flight.

Wait! Don't turn your back on it yet! *Poking 2024 with a stick* Nope. It's still twitching.

Wait! Don't turn your back on it yet! *Poking 2024 with a stick* Nope. It's still twitching.

You've got this Sheila! Just remember, new year new ewe!

You've got this Sheila! Just remember, new year new ewe!

Koala in the streets, drop bear in the sheets.

Koala in the streets, drop bear in the sheets.