alltagmitpsyche - Network

@justpassingthrough @roknrol @hastyunicorn @uva @venetiana @anomalon @DoomsdaysCW Right now I'm out of spoons to respond to you, but...

@justpassingthrough @roknrol @hastyunicorn @uva @venetiana @anomalon @DoomsdaysCW Right now I'm out of spoons to respond to you, but just wanted to let you know that your words work on me and in me and I'm seeing some possible steps forward. Thanks so much 💜

@actuallyautistic ... don't know what to do. I fear that my relationship will crash sooner or later if I don't find a way.I think...

@actuallyautistic ... don't know what to do. I fear that my relationship will crash sooner or later if I don't find a way.

I think I'm in a burnt-out state. Autistic + ADHD traits are present. I'll see a ND-friendly psychiatrist in about four weeks but I'm not really sure what they could do to help.

If you know sth. that might be helpful for me, please share! Even if you think it's silly or trivial, it may not be for me (or for anyone else who is maybe in a similar situation).

3/3

@actuallyautistic ... major burden on the relationship.I've tried to build up friendships for the past years but at one point or another...

@actuallyautistic ... major burden on the relationship.

I've tried to build up friendships for the past years but at one point or another I've always dropped out. There's issues with focus, motivation and masking that have made keeping up friendships too hard.

It feels like to do that consistently I would have to stop the relationship but that's not an option. Giving up the pursuit of friendships is not an option. Trying to do both doesn't work, got to admit that to myself.

I honestly ...

2

I'm looking for insights around social exhaustion. Maybe someone has been in similar situation or knows something wise to say?So, I...

I'm looking for insights around social exhaustion. Maybe someone has been in similar situation or knows something wise to say?

So, I manage to keep up one close relationship in my life, it's the one to my partner. That takes up almost 100 % of my social energy, although we don't see each other often and I feel like I'm just giving them the bare minimum to keep the relationship alive.

I want and need more friends because relying only one person is risky and also a ...

1

@actuallyautistic

Wer auf jeden Fall dabei sein möchte, kann mir eine DM schreiben, dann nehme ich dich auf eine Interessent:innenliste auf. Aber noch keine...

Wer auf jeden Fall dabei sein möchte, kann mir eine DM schreiben, dann nehme ich dich auf eine Interessent:innenliste auf. Aber noch keine Garantie, dass ich das wirklich mache 🙈 Bin mir noch nicht zu 100 % sicher, ob ich mir das zutraue.

3/3

So, in den Bildern sind ein paar Beispiele für Themen und Ablauf.Weitere Rahmenbedingungen über die ich ich nachdenke:- Es ist absolut...

So, in den Bildern sind ein paar Beispiele für Themen und Ablauf.

Weitere Rahmenbedingungen über die ich ich nachdenke:
- Es ist absolut offen für Menschen, die vielleicht schüchtern, ängstlich, sozial unbeholfen sind. Ich bin das eher auch.
- Es ist für Menschen, die grundsätzlich bereit sind auch über Kamera zu sprechen, damit nicht nur schwarze Kacheln zu sehen sind.
- Aber niemand muss allen seine ganze Identität offenbaren. Ein Gesicht + irgendein Name genügen.

2/3

🗨️ Ich würde manchmal gerne über Themen zu psychischer Gesundheit + Neurodiversität sprechen, einfach in einem lockeren Rahmen,...

🗨️ Ich würde manchmal gerne über Themen zu psychischer Gesundheit + Neurodiversität sprechen, einfach in einem lockeren Rahmen, ohne Verpflichtungen. Geht das noch jemandem so?

Das hier ist meine kleine Projektidee:

- Regelmäßige Online-Treffen zu vorher festgelegten Themen. Beispiele siehe nächster Post
- max. 60-90 Minuten in 3-4 Redeblöcken
- Austausch in Kleingruppen von 3-4 Menschen
- Es gibt eine Struktur für den Ablauf mit Pausen

Wärt ihr an so etwas interessiert?

Gerne teilen!

1/3

Ich wäre dabei!
Bin recht interessiert.
Kommt drauf an (gerne dann was dazu schreiben!)
Weiß gerade noch nicht.

Sagt mal, wie oft fühlt ihr euch einsam?fast immerschon sehr oftkommt mal vorfast nie

Sagt mal, wie oft fühlt ihr euch einsam?

fast immer
schon sehr oft
kommt mal vor
fast nie

Recently I heard a medical professional say: "It's uncommon for an autistic person to be in a committed relationship." At...

Recently I heard a medical professional say: "It's uncommon for an autistic person to be in a committed relationship." At first I found this really offensive, but maybe it's true? Let's get some data in!

Are you autistic and in a committed relationship?

My rough definition would be:
- you're regularly in touch with them
- you make important life decisions together
- you work through issues that would harm your connection
- if that's your jam, there's physical intimacy

@actuallyautistic

I'm in a committed relationship + I want this
I'm in a committed relationship, I'd rather not be
Not in a committed relationship + it's good for me
Not in a committed relationship but I'd like to

Inhaltswarnung:emotionaler StressDer Tag beginnt verweint. Ich schaffe es aufzustehen, sitze auf der Bettkante und halte mich so fest wie...

Inhaltswarnung:emotionaler Stress

Der Tag beginnt verweint. Ich schaffe es aufzustehen, sitze auf der Bettkante und halte mich so fest wie ich kann, halte mich an mir selbst so fest wie es nur irgendwie geht.

Es wird besser werden, ich spüre das zutiefst, bis in alle Knochen. Ich weiß das. Aber im Moment heißt das auch, dass ich Dinge loslassen muss, die mich zu viel Kraft kosten. Große und kleine. Menschen und Orte und Gewohnheiten und alte Träume. Und das tut heute furchtbar weh.

@actuallyautistic So, that's about it. If you're autistic, just make sure to not put all of the work of improving communication on...

@actuallyautistic

So, that's about it. If you're autistic, just make sure to not put all of the work of improving communication on yourself. It goes both ways.

Feel free to ask questions if anything was unclear or you'd like to know more.

8/8

@actuallyautistic Wikipedia is a nice start, too: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four-sides_modelThere's even a whole book series about...

@actuallyautistic Wikipedia is a nice start, too: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four-sides_model

There's even a whole book series about how to improve communication by Schulz von Thun. It's all very non-pathologizing. They don't seem to be available in English which is a shame because they are so valuable. I read them in my early twenties and since then have never felt that having communication issues is something that makes me bad or different. It's just normal and also, here are some great tools to solve them.

7/

@actuallyautistic - When someone speaks to you in a way that feels vague or confusing, you can go through the four layers and see which...

@actuallyautistic

- When someone speaks to you in a way that feels vague or confusing, you can go through the four layers and see which areas are murky for you and ask for clarification, "By saying ____, do you mean _____?"

I feel it's difficult to explain it well (which is one of my challenge: putting ideas that I'm really excited about into words). But there's this nice video on youtube about it.

6/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N-lRE47t4k

@actuallyautistic To me the great thing about this model is that it provides a framework how to better talk and listen to other people. And...

@actuallyautistic To me the great thing about this model is that it provides a framework how to better talk and listen to other people. And it's really useful to move through misunderstandings when they happen and not let them escalate.

- You can ask people to really put all of these layers in to words. It may also help the other person to get more clarity on what they actually want.
- You can do the same for other people to be understood better.

5/

@actuallyautistic But then again, the listener might miss some of the cues or misinterpret them. This could depend on their personality,...

@actuallyautistic

But then again, the listener might miss some of the cues or misinterpret them. This could depend on their personality, their mood, their abilities among others.

So there's PLENTY of room for misunderstandings. This might be heightened between NT and ND folks. But it's also really just human, I guess there's no one who does this perfectly and it might be good to just be patient and understanding with each other.

4/

@actuallyautistic- the factual meaning of the words, e.g. "The window is open."- some self-disclosure, e.g. "It's really...

@actuallyautistic

- the factual meaning of the words, e.g. "The window is open."
- some self-disclosure, e.g. "It's really cold in here."
- some information about the relationship, e.g. "I assume you are willing to respond to my needs."
- an appeal, e.g. "Please close the window."

Usually people just say the first part out loud and hope the other person gets all of the other messages as well. They may not even be conscious of the other layers as well.

3/

@actuallyautistic So maybe you all know about this already. But then again I couldn't find much reception in the English speaking world,...

@actuallyautistic So maybe you all know about this already. But then again I couldn't find much reception in the English speaking world, so here we go.

It's the four-sides model by Friedemann Schulz von Thun, a German psychologist who has studied interpersonal communication.

The model claims that for every thing a person says, there's usually four layers of meaning:

2/

I've seen some of you posting this article. The author says that many communication issues exist because autistic people have a harder...

I've seen some of you posting this article. The author says that many communication issues exist because autistic people have a harder time inferring meanings and intentions from what other people say.

So, I just wanted to share the most helpful thing I learned in school about communication. It's a useful framework for improving the way you speak or listen to other people. It's non-pathologizing and I think both ND and NT people benefit from it.

https://theconversation.com/how-autistic-and-non-autistic-people-can-understand-each-other-better-234320

1/

@actuallyautistic

@spiegel Zahlreiches Anschauungsmaterial zum Beispiel hier: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Uniforms_of_the_Sturmabteilung

@spiegel Zahlreiches Anschauungsmaterial zum Beispiel hier: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Uniforms_of_the_Sturmabteilung

Oh, seh das nur ich? Ist das Absicht? Was für ein unvorteilhafter Schattenwurf...

Oh, seh das nur ich? Ist das Absicht? Was für ein unvorteilhafter Schattenwurf 🤔

https://www.spiegel.de/politik/deutschland/sahra-wagenknecht-das-bsw-als-machtfaktor-bei-landtagswahlen-in-ostdeutschland-a-e6fc1533-9463-4980-bafa-8b8c985badca

@spiegel