goatsarah - Network

I’ve been struggling with my HRT levels for a while after finding out I was effectively menopausal...

I’ve been struggling with my HRT levels for a while after finding out I was effectively menopausal earlier this year. I noticed this by my FSH being high. Since then I switched from pills to gel and it got me back into the non menopausal range, but only just.

I know this because I’ve been having regular blood tests. My metabolism is quite fast and clears stuff from my system quickly, so the longer release of gel (it builds a reservoir in the fat) works for me.

Anyway, since starting lisdexamfetamine for ADHD, I’ve checked my FSH using urine tests and it got a lot lower still. I figured it was somehow calming down my liver and letting the oestrogen last longer in the body.

Got a new blood test result yesterday. FSH is now MUCH lower, which is good.

But it’s not from oestrogen.

It’s from TESTOSTERONE!

Elvanse seems to have kicked my adrenal glands up a notch. I guess this makes sense. It is a stimulant. It’s taken my T from the very bottom of the female range to the middle of it. Impressive, given I have no ovaries (in cis women, testosterone comes from both the ovaries and adrenals).

Explains why my sex drive has been a bit higher of late, I guess.

Noticed when driving on Elvanse that I have to actively scan for hazards which I just knew about bef...

Noticed when driving on Elvanse that I have to actively scan for hazards which I just knew about before.

This is making me be super careful when driving.

For those who don’t have ADHD, it’s really badly named. We don’t have an attention deficit at all. We just can’t control what it’s focusing on for long.

Basically our brains are constantly processing the entire input stream from our environment. All of it. You have no idea how utterly overwhelming this is until it switches off for the first time.

And then there’s a moment of clarity, before which you were listening to every radio station in the world simultaneously and always have been.

And now you’re just listening to one.

But with driving, I think that was actually making me a safer driver because it’s hard to become target fixated when your neurology basically can’t do that.

Something for me to be aware of. Now I have to choose to scan for hazards.

Or drive unmedicated.

Apparently if you’re a pilot with ADHD, your medical requires you to fly unmedicated. I now understand why.

ADHD med titration continues apace. I’m sticking with 50mg Elvanse (lisdexamfetamine) and adding i...

ADHD med titration continues apace. I’m sticking with 50mg Elvanse (lisdexamfetamine) and adding in 10mg Amfexa (dexamphetamine) as a booster to get me through the evening.

I honestly never dreamed my life would go in the direction of having to manage the duality of being ...

I honestly never dreamed my life would go in the direction of having to manage the duality of being a functional adult who can do adult things in the daytime and is sensible and all that stuff, and a chaos goblin by the evening.

The transition I saw coming from a long time before, if I’m being honest. But while neurodivergence was always obvious to anyone who met me, finally getting the actual answer and following it through to Planet Amphetamine and all that implies has blindsided me a bit.

These drugs are very very weird to be on.

But they may have saved my life.

The single weirdest thing for me about being on Elvanse for ADHD is getting to spend each day as a f...

The single weirdest thing for me about being on Elvanse for ADHD is getting to spend each day as a functioning human being with regulated emotions and executive function, but knowing that the clock is ticking and that when the timer runs down I am going to return to being a self-hating hyperactive messy vial of emotional nitroglycerin.

Lola Young - Messy (Official Video)

Oh god. I am feeling utterly SEEN by this. #ADHD m.youtube.com/watch?v=k-k2_Lio…

Extreme sports, Iberian edition: about to take the lift.

Extreme sports, Iberian edition: about to take the lift.

Having my first day off Elvanse.

Having my first day off Elvanse.

Plan is all about self care. Avoid stressful stuff. If there is ANY hint of pushback against anything that needs doing, then I will make it a problem for future Sarah.

I feel like there’s a lot of reverse ableism with people telling me that the REAL problem with ADH...

I feel like there’s a lot of reverse ableism with people telling me that the REAL problem with ADHD is that I am “traumatised” by a world that isn’t adapted to my needs and that were it not for this “trauma”, I would be able to function just fine.

If it’s trauma, why does a single pill that raises my dopamine levels switch it off like a light switch and turn me into an emotionally stable adult with executive function?

Just over a week on ADHD meds now (Elvanse), and honestly, still life changing.

Just over a week on ADHD meds now (Elvanse), and honestly, still life changing.

My clinician thinks that 50mg may be “my dose”, but it’s perhaps a little early to tell and we’re going to pick this up in a week’s time.

I’m not averse to at least trying the 60s, but we shall see.

Anyway, apparently a few people who know me find it a bit weird, or even startling to encounter me on Elvanse, especially now I’ve stepped up my dose.

Picture someone you know who has always been a “chaos goblin”. I’ve always been very outgoing (it’s a mask. I’m terrified), mercurial, eager to say my piece, etc.

Now picture such a person on speed, which is basically what Elvanse slowly converts to in your red blood cells.

The picture in your head probably isn’t someone sitting still, waiting their turn in conversation, speaking slowly and with consideration.

I’ve been told I look “drugged”, in a way vaguely reminiscent of benzodiazepines.

Nothing could be further from the truth. I am alert and focused. More than I have ever been before. I just don’t feel the need to interrupt you and finish your sentences any more.

At least, not until the evening, when it wears off. Then I’m the chaos goblin again.