marlebean - Network

Fun game:Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"

Fun game:

Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon "How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"

The extra hour from Daylight Saving Time gave me the opportunity to get so much more housework done!I didn't do any of it.But I...

The extra hour from Daylight Saving Time gave me the opportunity to get so much more housework done!

I didn't do any of it.
But I certainly had the opportunity.

{Road sign: 🚧 SURVEY AHEAD}Me, driving up: "Steve Harvey?!"

{Road sign: 🚧 SURVEY AHEAD}

Me, driving up: "Steve Harvey?!"

Him: How's your day?Me: Just about to wine down. Him: You mean wind?Me: Nope

Him: How's your day?
Me: Just about to wine down.
Him: You mean wind?
Me: Nope

If I was a witch, I would curse people to have to poop right after showering.

If I was a witch, I would curse people to have to poop right after showering.

You can't satisfy me in bed,you're not 7 pillows.

You can't satisfy me in bed,
you're not 7 pillows.

If she starts aggressively doing chores, and you're not doing anything... Beware

If she starts aggressively doing chores, and you're not doing anything...

Beware

I always shave my legs on NYE to make sure I start the new year with a clean slate.

I always shave my legs on NYE to make sure I start the new year with a clean slate.

Happiest birthday to my favorite @smooheed !Everyone should follow! 🎉💞🎉💞🎉💞🎉💞

Happiest birthday to my favorite @smooheed !
Everyone should follow! 🎉💞🎉💞🎉💞🎉💞

Hallmark Christmas movie in the streetsLifetime Christmas movie in the sheets

Hallmark Christmas movie in the streets

Lifetime Christmas movie in the sheets

The devil on my left shoulder says "bring frozen fish sticks to the office potluck"And the worse devil on my right shoulder says...

The devil on my left shoulder says "bring frozen fish sticks to the office potluck"

And the worse devil on my right shoulder says "and then cook them in the staff lounge microwave"

Front of the Christmas tree in the streets.Back of the Christmas tree in the sheets.

Front of the Christmas tree in the streets.
Back of the Christmas tree in the sheets.

*Corrects the grammar on your Christmas card and mails it back*

*Corrects the grammar on your Christmas card and mails it back*

*steps on scale after Thanksgiving*{Tiger King voice}"I will never fully recover from this"

*steps on scale after Thanksgiving*

{Tiger King voice}
"I will never fully recover from this"

Fun game:Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon"How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"

Fun game:
Text your mom on Thanksgiving afternoon
"How many minutes do I microwave a 25lb frozen turkey?"

@heatinblack hiiii

@heatinblack hiiii

Fixes all the typos in my tweets and posts them here.

Fixes all the typos in my tweets and posts them here.

If anyone asks, I'm drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.

If anyone asks, I'm drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.