micah - Network

This game is funWaffle#waffle352 4/5🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩⭐🟩⭐🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩⭐🟩⭐🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🔥...

This game is fun
Waffle
#waffle352 4/5

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🔥 streak: 3
wafflegame.net

*sigh* ok... I'll try again. I know this might be a little controversial but (eeeeeek) if I'm too conflict avoidant to even ask...

*sigh* ok... I'll try again. I know this might be a little controversial but (eeeeeek) if I'm too conflict avoidant to even ask opinions, but am ok with seeing book recommendations, well... anyways @actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic thoughts on the following books?

'The Autism Revolution' - Martha Herbert. Was on the Scientific Advisory Committee for AS? IYKYK

'We're Not Broken' - Eric Garcia

'The Autistic Brain' - Temple Grandin (some of the brain scan technology makes sense. Haven't gotten far into it.)

*grimace in expectation*

I apologize for my 2nd to last toot. Just a simple Google would have been enough to tell me the answers to what I was asking without opening...

I apologize for my 2nd to last toot. Just a simple Google would have been enough to tell me the answers to what I was asking without opening a can of worms and controversy that I didn't realize I had probably done until it was almost too late. I deleted it rather than risk ... wait did I just do a conflict avoidance?

It's possible the 2000 character limit is too much for me

It's possible the 2000 character limit is too much for me

I worked so hard last week I've pretty much not been able to do anything but sleep the past two days. I wish my life had a sort of...

I worked so hard last week I've pretty much not been able to do anything but sleep the past two days. I wish my life had a sort of 'pause' button. Take the pressure off. Let me figure out who I am and what I am and let me sort things out and then 'resume' again. Better late than never I guess.

One of the questions though, something along the lines of "more important what the texture of the food is than how it tastes" dug...

One of the questions though, something along the lines of "more important what the texture of the food is than how it tastes" dug up some very very old memories. When I was a kid, and there was fat/gristle on my meat, I couldn't. I just couldn't. It would go in my mouth and come right back out. If I tried to chew and swallow anyway, I threw up, literally. I think after that, my parents learned to stop encouraging me to eat that part of the meat, rather quickly. It didn't go well for whoever had to clean up. And okra. the slime. no way no way. If it was breaded and fried till it was almost not slimy, okay, sort of. I could get that down. Gumbo with slimy okra? Not even going in the mouth. Nope!

I recall being over at someone's house and they were cooking spaghetti, and I was already feeling somewhat faint, peaked, unwell, anxiety, and all I recall is watching someone pull spaghetti strands out of the pot and slurp them down, and it was like I could feel the texture in my own mouth, and it didn't sit well with me, and I upchucked right then and there.

Years later I discovered refried beans 'with chicharron' at the store and made the mistake of telling a family I was close to, that I liked 'chicharron'. They made a ton of it and invited me over. Literally a plate of squishy pork fat. A big plate. I had two choices, say no and risk hurting their feelings, which I couldn't stand at all, or ... pretend it wasn't what it actually was, take one spoon at a time, instantly wash it down the throat without chewing, and fight the gag reflex, and repeat, till it was all gone. They were a little disheartened I wouldn't go for seconds. If only they knew how herculean of a feat it had been for me to do that without ...

@actuallyautistic oops

I seem to repeat this cycle and I don't know why. I read experiences of being on the spectrum, some I relate to, and some I don't,...

I seem to repeat this cycle and I don't know why. I read experiences of being on the spectrum, some I relate to, and some I don't, and I begin to experience doubt and start to think that maybe I'm just strange and not on the spectrum after all, and then I go and do the tests again, like the aspie-quiz, and the result number is only 1 different from the one I did almost a month ago - 167 to 168. I did the raads-r test this time too and it came out at 186. I don't know, but I think ... that I become certain of things, file it away in my memory, and somehow it gets erased or not stored to long term memory, and then the doubts come back and swirl around in my head "he is like this and I'm not" or "she says it feels like that and it doesn't quite feel like that to me" and then I feel like an imposter or like I'm imagining things and I go back to try and re-establish what I was certain of before... but the more memories I dig up, the more boxes it checks that I didn't recognize before... @actuallyautistic

I feel like I might be oversharing. I'm exhausted but feeling enlightened after having related so strongly to fellow NDs. I so wish I...

I feel like I might be oversharing. I'm exhausted but feeling enlightened after having related so strongly to fellow NDs. I so wish I had learned all of this years ago, instead of using so much of my processing power to just mask and try to get by. I masked so hard and so much and so frequently that I all but believed that was who I was, as long as I didn't look too deep into myself.

What finally transpired in my own case was that I began to suffer physically in addition to the mental turmoil of trying to keep track of...

What finally transpired in my own case was that I began to suffer physically in addition to the mental turmoil of trying to keep track of everything. The older I got, the more rules there were, and the easier it got to break them. I finally resigned myself to the 'fact' that trying to be 'a good person' was killing me, literally, and the alternative was that I was doomed to be a 'bad person', and whatever consequences of that were, at least I was alive for the moment, and I began to mask in earnest with the despair still a gaping hole underneath me, and nervous that at some point, someone would look at me too closely and realize I was just pretending.

I'm starting to realize that many, many publications and reference works written about neurodivergence, from an academic or conventional...

I'm starting to realize that many, many publications and reference works written about neurodivergence, from an academic or conventional source, are written from neurotypical perspectives. Which means those descriptions are colored from a perspective of how these traits 'appear' to be out of sync with what might be more common for a neurotypical brain pattern. Simple statements that say "individual behaves this way so they must have (insert label here)" ... two different people with the same 'apparent behavior' might be behaving that way for two different reasons. What might have seemed a 'comorbidity' is actually an extremely more complex behavior pattern with multiple causes or origins. Am I out in left field somewhere or does this make sense to anyone else? @ActuallyAutistic

#ActuallyAutistic @ActuallyAutistic What if, hear me out, my propensity towards what neurotypicals called 'Scrupulosity OCD' is...

#ActuallyAutistic @ActuallyAutistic What if, hear me out, my propensity towards what neurotypicals called 'Scrupulosity OCD' is actually my autistic brain having 'learned' rules of behavior, rules of what is acceptable and what is not, and when those rules are broken, no matter how small the infraction, it has to be dealt with in the same manner of all rule breakage. ? Even that description is a simplification. If as a kid, you learned that to be forgiven for bad things, you had to confess it to someone, where was the line drawn between 'dude forget it' and 'oh crap, yeah, that was really bad, you gotta resolve that'? I'd make a list of 'bad' things I'd done during the day, either on paper, or in my head, that I would have to retell when I got home to some authority who would grant forgiveness. If I was too nervous to do it before bed, I'd have a knot in my stomach that would get worse and worse until I'd have to wake my parents up to recite this list of 'badness', much to, as you would expect, growing frustration and annoyance from one parent, and complete indifference from another, as they would immediately start falling back to sleep the moment they were awoken...

I don't know if I'm having potential revelations or epiphanies or what, but I have many many questions. What if- questions. Thank...

I don't know if I'm having potential revelations or epiphanies or what, but I have many many questions. What if- questions. Thank you so much #ElleMcNicoll for 'A Kind of Spark' and thank you to those who recommended it to me. I couldn't put it down. Finally had a day where I could sit down and actually have time to read and take something in. @actuallyautistic

Birdsite new rules making it harder to find community on other platformsWell, the page is now *poof* gone. But it was archived, for future...

Birdsite new rules making it harder to find community on other platforms

Well, the page is now *poof* gone. But it was archived, for future reference. None of us imagined it. Wasn't just a crazy dream. I don't know if I've ever witnessed a shorter policy life from any organization/business of that size/magnitude. https://web.archive.org/web/20221218210921/https://help.twitter.com/en/rules-and-policies/social-platforms-policy

Wait, wait, if it's #Meowstodon, does that mean it's #JohnMeowstodon and he's really a cat? 😲

Wait, wait, if it's #Meowstodon, does that mean it's #JohnMeowstodon and he's really a cat? 😲

@PeteWharmby thank you for your helpful blog. The more I read about actual experiences... it irritates me that no one seemed to notice, not...

@PeteWharmby thank you for your helpful blog. The more I read about actual experiences... it irritates me that no one seemed to notice, not even me, until now, when I'm finally losing the capacity to mask full-time. From what I've read I feel like I'm at that stage of burnout where I don't know who I am anymore, and the masking - now feels very insincere - not me at all - and I feel I no longer have the capacity to keep masking and live up to the expectations that masking helped me to achieve. I feel like, like a screw that was drilled into the wall at an angle instead of straight in, and this late in life, there's a huge heavy picture (my life) hanging on that screw, and I'm having to back out of being put in crooked, and put myself back in straight, while under heavy load. Or should I even bother? I might be too tired to toot @actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic

Birdsite new rules making it harder to find community on other platformsI don't know what to make of it. Supposedly reversed already but...

Birdsite new rules making it harder to find community on other platforms

I don't know what to make of it. Supposedly reversed already but ... I'm glad I got out when I did, and rebuilt decentralized. Love this new home 🏠

Birdsite new rules making it harder to find community on other platformsAll I can say is if you haven't found all your people in the...

Birdsite new rules making it harder to find community on other platforms

All I can say is if you haven't found all your people in the community yet here on Mastodon, now is probably a really good time to make sure you've found them on whatever platform they might be headed to. If/when this new policy is enforced, that task will be a lot harder, imho. No Mastodon urls allowed, etc. More here: https://help.twitter.com/en/rules-and-policies/social-platforms-policy

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic #ND #AuDHD

#JohnMastodon tee hee hee 😜

#JohnMastodon tee hee hee 😜

#BodyDouble Sunday. I need to get things done. Making myself accountable here. Join in with the tag if you also need to do things. I will...

#BodyDouble Sunday. I need to get things done. Making myself accountable here. Join in with the tag if you also need to do things. I will report back later 😬 #AuDHD oops forgot @bodydouble

I'm sorry I haven't been more... Contributive lately. Basically this time of year it's wake up, go to work, hustle hustle, come...

I'm sorry I haven't been more... Contributive lately. Basically this time of year it's wake up, go to work, hustle hustle, come home, eat, get some sleep, repeat. Thank you all so much for the input and advice on materials to help me understand myself now that I realize I am on the spectrum and trying to figure out who I really am and how to accept that and move forward in productive ... Basically cope, manage, pace myself, accept who I am, work with my strengths, recognize my weaknesses, and to stop trying to force myself into a mold because it just leads to burning out...