nicolaelle - Network

#uspolYou know, I never thought the US Government would do so much to encourage its citizens to learn a second language, or attend...

#uspol

You know, I never thought the US Government would do so much to encourage its citizens to learn a second language, or attend universities overseas…

uspolEvery May pre-COVID, at the school I have taught at for years, Chuck Schumer would show up for graduation. He would give the same...

uspol

Every May pre-COVID, at the school I have taught at for years, Chuck Schumer would show up for graduation. He would give the same speech almost every year, so identical that many of us faculty could lip-sync it.

The theme of this speech? "Go for it!" Take that risk; be daring.

Last week, Chuck Schumer didn't go for it.

So we wish he would just go away instead.

#schumer

uspol, capolSaw this go through my feeds today. I think any Americans on my feed should read this, and take it very seriously.My...

uspol, capol

Saw this go through my feeds today. I think any Americans on my feed should read this, and take it very seriously.

My thoughts:

To Americans, the idea of war with Canada is absurd to the point of incomprehensibility. So incomprehensible, in fact, that it was quite literally a joke in a 1980s sitcom episode (starring a Canadian actor, interestingly).

The problem is that the last year has been incomprehensible. A 34-count felon has been elected President. We can no longer consider anything about the current situation "standard operating procedure". And, most importantly, we need to take these threats, made under our flag, our name, at face value.

Canada certainly isn't considering this normal, isn't considering this some light banter or some sort of negotiating ploy. And, frankly, as thinking and feeling human beings, we shouldn't either.

#canada

https://writer.oliphant.social/oliphant/a-canadians-perspective-on-us-behavior-since-the-trump-regime-was-installed

uspol, deathI read the most recent essay from @revoluciana a couple of days ago, and I found it cathartic. I think it's time to...

uspol, death

I read the most recent essay from @revoluciana a couple of days ago, and I found it cathartic.

I think it's time to recognize all this for what it is.

It is a death.

The American Republic is dead.

It should be mourned, as a relative would be mourned.

It's amazing how peaceful it feels when we let go of the possibility, the worry, of America surviving as is, and understand that we need to protect and fight for what comes after - or maybe prepare to run like hell if we can't.

Sometime early this evening, I started feeling strange - so strange I thought someone must have slipped interesting substances in my evening...

Sometime early this evening, I started feeling strange - so strange I thought someone must have slipped interesting substances in my evening meal. It was like I was disconnected from the world, but I was laughing, cracking jokes, and having a good time. It took a bit to realize why.

I wasn’t anxious about anything. Parents were at a sad but accepted resolution, I mourned the death of my country, but it was a sad acceptance with all of it. There’s stuff to do with all of it, but that’s work to do; it is.

When was the last time I had no anxiety when some form of substance wasn’t involved?

Been thinking about the process of discernment pre-transition, including any egg cracking and aftermath, and how it fits a particular bit of...

Been thinking about the process of discernment pre-transition, including any egg cracking and aftermath, and how it fits a particular bit of wisdom.

"When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." -- Arthur Conan Doyle.

Most of us literally looked at any and every other possibility for who we were and who was inside of us. In the end, only one truth remained.

#trans #transgender

My pain and suffering pre-transition was internal - my mind and body and soul at constant war with itself. My body and soul were fighting...

My pain and suffering pre-transition was internal - my mind and body and soul at constant war with itself. My body and soul were fighting each other, with my mind trying to make sense of it all and working furiously to negotiate a peace treaty.

Well, the peace treaty has been signed; my mind and body and soul finally agree. What was a war is now an alliance, a dangerous coalition, a Nicola Pact. This alliance, this pact is so dangerous that the most powerful government on earth has declared war on me for it.

Consider that for a moment. We are so potent, so powerful, so challenging to their world order that they would declare war on our existence.

#trans #transgender

Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror… loved what I saw… and smiled. Everyone should have the chance to wake up, look in the...

Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror… loved what I saw… and smiled.

Everyone should have the chance to wake up, look in the mirror, and love who they are. It took me close to half a century to get to this point; at least I have seen this day.

#trans

I'm stepping away from my Substack for awhile. Right now it hurts too much. Maybe I'll come back to it in time, but not right now....

I'm stepping away from my Substack for awhile.

Right now it hurts too much.

Maybe I'll come back to it in time, but not right now.

https://nicolaelle.substack.com/p/signing-off-for-now?r=2gdmuh

Currently finding hope cruising through Etsy looking for small things (pins, mugs, t-shirts) along the lines of "Jesus was a...

Currently finding hope cruising through Etsy looking for small things (pins, mugs, t-shirts) along the lines of "Jesus was a socialist" - you know, things to indicate there is resistance out there, that we can fight this.

May seem weird to find hope in something so silly and small, but sometimes focused retail therapy works.

(Also, I feel like, if I am ever going to visit my parents again, I need to be loud against the hypocricy I see. I never really had a rebellious phase growing up...)

UspolI never thought that, when America died, they would actually hold a funeral. Rest in peace, good and faithful servant. #politics...

Uspol

I never thought that, when America died, they would actually hold a funeral.

Rest in peace, good and faithful servant.

#politics #carter

I’ve known a lot of trans people over the years. Living as trans pre-transition fucks with a person’s self esteem and will to live....

I’ve known a lot of trans people over the years. Living as trans pre-transition fucks with a person’s self esteem and will to live. Transitioning fixes some of that, but not everything - and the scars from that will definitely linger. Just your daily reminder that you are far more amazing and incredible than you realize, and there are reasons for that.

(Also, be kind to yourself.)

#trans #transgender

Overall, I think that’s the point, what so many cis people don’t understand. I could only survive a few decades as a male. It nearly...

Overall, I think that’s the point, what so many cis people don’t understand.

I could only survive a few decades as a male. It nearly killed me; if I hadn’t transitioned when I did, I would be very dead right now.

Every day I live now? House money. House money. My transition bought life. And I’m going to fight for this life - for me, for others - as long as I’m able.

This year was a fucker of a year. Next year threatens horrors I don’t dare imagine.

But these are, literally, the best days of my life. Up to now, these are the only days of my life that truly matter.

I feel, for the first time in forever.

To paraphrase @MzAprilDaniels , this Is Right. This Is Necessary.

After what we’ve seen, may your next year meet all of your most beautiful dreams. Heaven knows we’ve earned them.

3/3 🧵 end.

#trans #transgender

The physical, like the emotional and spiritual, also had its challenges and its rewards. January 1 was spent driving 250 miles with genital...

The physical, like the emotional and spiritual, also had its challenges and its rewards. January 1 was spent driving 250 miles with genital packing, catheter, and foley, to get these removed following a correction to my bottom surgery after a skin graft didn’t take.

Looking back, I didn’t give myself time to heal. I was in the classroom teaching less than three weeks after that correction, and less than six weeks after the original bottom surgery. Not the brightest of moves, but one I felt necessary.

Slowly, my body healed. It was making repairs while the ship sails. It also meant discovering myself, a slow and arduous process while healing. Difficulties happened; nobody gives you a manual on how my body worked.

It took time, it took patience, it took a few wrong turns. But I’m me. I’m me.

One year of that is better than a millennia of my old life.

2/3 🧵

#trans #transgender

So… my brief thoughts on 2024 as it ends. This was the most challenging year I’ve ever experienced, without a doubt. This was...

So… my brief thoughts on 2024 as it ends.

This was the most challenging year I’ve ever experienced, without a doubt. This was painful in ways I am still processing. Some physical; the recovery from surgeries took a lot out of me.

But the challenges felt most acutely are those of the heart, of the soul. Trans people, I have discovered, are a mirror; in us, people reflect their hearts, for good and bad. Like wait staff, people that mistreat us show only the gaping hole in themselves.

It is thus that I have learned. This is what love is, by its presence, by its absence. I lost friends. I’ve seen familial relationships damaged, perhaps never to recover. But I have seen such caring, such compassion, Such community, such friendship, as to take my breath away.

I found found family.

For that alone, this year was worth it.

1/? 🧵

#trans #transgender

Random thought of the day: wondering how long it will be before some #trans writer writes a book called “When the Sunlight Strikes”. ...

Random thought of the day: wondering how long it will be before some #trans writer writes a book called “When the Sunlight Strikes”.

🌞

IYKYK.

#transgender

Since the results of the election, I seriously debated what to do with the conservative members of my family. Do I go no contact? Do I...

Since the results of the election, I seriously debated what to do with the conservative members of my family. Do I go no contact? Do I just let it be as though nothing had happened?

And then, in the most unexpected place, I found my answer.

Thus do we have "Songbird", the latest entry in Crashing the Gates.

Be well, everyone, and have a Happy New Year.

https://open.substack.com/pub/nicolaelle/p/songbird?r=2gdmuh&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

#trans #transgender

Merry Christmas, everyone. In 2019 or 2020, still early in my transition, I found this kitschy sign at my mom’s place, and I knew I had...

Merry Christmas, everyone.

In 2019 or 2020, still early in my transition, I found this kitschy sign at my mom’s place, and I knew I had to take a selfie of it.

I am SO glad the sign no longer applies.

#trans #transgender

I'd been hearing a lot about loneliness at this time of year from my trans sisters. And, yet, what I found was something beautiful: even in...

I'd been hearing a lot about loneliness at this time of year from my trans sisters. And, yet, what I found was something beautiful: even in this dark time, there was this beautiful community even within that loneliness.

In that vein, I give a small Christmas message for every #trans person out there for whom tonight is a difficult one. Here's the most recent edition of Crashing the Gates, "A Drink They Call Loneliness"

And to my trans sisters, thank you for being here tonight, for sharing this moment in time.

#transgender

https://open.substack.com/pub/nicolaelle/p/a-drink-they-call-loneliness?r=2gdmuh&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

Wow. I’ve never been cursed by a fortune cookie before.

Wow. I’ve never been cursed by a fortune cookie before.