xinxin - Network

When he interviewed me, he wanted to know whether I spoke any Japanese. I explained that I was born in Gardena. He said, Oh, you nisei, as...

When he interviewed me, he wanted to know whether I spoke any Japanese. I explained that I was born in Gardena. He said, Oh, you nisei, as if knowing that one word means he knows something about me. You’ve forgotten your culture, Ms. Mori, even though you’re only second generation. Your issei parents, they hung on to their culture. Don’t you want to learn Japanese? Don’t you want to visit Nippon? For a long time I felt bad. I wondered why I didn’t want to learn Japanese, why I didn’t already speak Japanese, why I would rather go to Paris or Istanbul or Barcelona rather than Tokyo. But then I thought, Who cares? Did anyone ask John F. Kennedy if he spoke Gaelic and visited Dublin or if he ate potatoes every night or if he collected paintings of leprechauns? So why are we supposed to not forget our culture? Isn’t my culture right here since I was born here? Of course I didn’t ask him those questions. I just smiled and said, You’re so right, sir. She sighed. It’s a job. But I’ll tell you something else. Ever since I got it straight in my head that I haven’t forgotten a damn thing, that I damn well know my culture, which is American, and my language, which is English, I’ve felt like a spy in that man’s office. On the surface, I’m just plain old Ms. Mori, poor little thing who’s lost her roots, but underneath, I’m Sofia and you better not fuck with me.

chapter 5 of # The Sympathizer

"It was that Madame was the one who found schools for the children, wrote the rent check, shopped for groceries, cooked the meals,...

"It was that Madame was the one who found schools for the children, wrote the rent check, shopped for groceries, cooked the meals, washed the dishes, cleaned the bathrooms, found a church—in short, undertook all the menial tasks of household drudgery that, for her entire cocooned existence, someone else had managed. She attended to these tasks with a grim grace, in short order becoming the house’s resident dictator, the General merely a figurehead who occasionally bellowed at his children like one of those dusty lions in the zoo undergoing a midlife crisis. They lived in this fashion for most of the year before the credit line of her patience finally reached its limit."

chapter 4 of # The Sympathizer

读到这里脑海中浮现《一把青》里师娘的身影。敬佩女性的顶天立地。

"Hope's thin. Despair's thick. Like blood.……Despair may be thick, but friendship's thicker."chapter 2 of # The...

"Hope's thin. Despair's thick. Like blood.
……
Despair may be thick, but friendship's thicker."

chapter 2 of # The Sympathizer

...

之前一直很讨厌锡兰“我就是最聪明的”这种劲儿，但当他做出了这么扎实、这么有意义的影片后，自然是由衷敬佩他。

https://youtu.be/p13N9PqTUvA?si=4gfDv2j3IK2D8NFk

致昕又去乌克兰了。欣赏致昕的每一句碎碎念，珍视播客里每一次或长或短的停顿。

致昕又去乌克兰了。
欣赏致昕的每一句碎碎念，珍视播客里每一次或长或短的停顿。

“自由永远是持不同意见者的自由。”——罗莎·卢森堡

“自由永远是持不同意见者的自由。”——罗莎·卢森堡

读完书紧接着看电影，好久没这么肆意过了。...

读完书紧接着看电影，好久没这么肆意过了。

带着对故事文本的高度欣赏打开投影仪，即使没有了那不勒斯背景，即使选角与我脑中所想都差别很大，即使电影完全舍弃了我心中最棒的情节之一——勒达对露西拉的厌恶与咒骂，我依然很享受这部电影。
电影有让我格外感动之处，比如电影中中年勒达（Olivia Colman 饰）的“神经质”表现得更加明显，可我仍能理解她每一个神经质的举动，并被她的每一个眼神与每一条皱纹所感染。当尼娜问她抛弃女儿的感受时，她的回答让我心碎，却立即觉得更加完整。在坦诚抛弃女儿时她的眼中就蓄满了泪水，但直到回答"it felt amazing"时她的泪珠才滚滚落下。书中这里的回答是“很好”，意大利原文是"Bene"，英文译本是"Good"，我最喜欢电影中的这个 amazing。Olivia Colman 的演绎太棒了。读书时我脑海中的勒达本是阿尔芭·罗尔瓦赫尔的模样，但Olivia Colman 的演绎十分令人信服，她就是勒达。而且，难道还有比看到阿尔芭作为布兰达出现在电影中更令人心潮澎湃的事吗？

Maggie Gyllenhaal 曾出演过许多富有感染力的角色，也是我非常喜爱的演员。想到这是她首部导演的作品，听说埃莱娜·费兰特也是从《秘书》开始欣赏她并给予她极大的改编自由时，我对电影的喜欢又加倍了。

#暗处的女儿

只有阿云、有关阿云的一切，才能让我感受到自己的心。

只有阿云、有关阿云的一切，才能让我感受到自己的心。

从开始到现在，阿云都在教我被爱的感受和爱的感受。

从开始到现在，阿云都在教我被爱的感受和爱的感受。

读卡片时哗哗落泪，看到画时大声痛哭。这是我这辈子最后一次感受到真正的爱情吗。

读卡片时哗哗落泪，看到画时大声痛哭。这是我这辈子最后一次感受到真正的爱情吗。

新年愿望是阿云买彩票中一千万。

新年愿望是阿云买彩票中一千万。

想到阿云时心痛得很厉害。太痛了。这就是我想要的吗？

想到阿云时心痛得很厉害。太痛了。这就是我想要的吗？

我把自己的人生过得乱七八糟的怎么办？

我把自己的人生过得乱七八糟的怎么办？

对于背叛最好的朋友阿云这件事，我心里终于有了一万个后悔。

对于背叛最好的朋友阿云这件事，我心里终于有了一万个后悔。

几年以后我一定会后悔我现在做的事吧。我是从哪一刻烂掉的呢？

几年以后我一定会后悔我现在做的事吧。我是从哪一刻烂掉的呢？

超想超想阿云。超想超想。

超想超想阿云。超想超想。

阿云在梦里给我发来了消息。

阿云在梦里给我发来了消息。

12月了，还是想死。

12月了，还是想死。

...

每晚睡前摘下阿云送的项链，每个早晨再一次戴上。像是每天都要提醒自己，我曾被那样爱过、那样珍视。

...

初雪。想念阿云。午休时老朋友一起吃烤鸭。下班后买了红豆和雏菊。#当我想念阿云的时候，是在想念爱情。